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Hi and welcome to the Travel Transformation Podcast, the podcast that talks all things travel and all things transformation. I'm your host, Jessica Grace Coleman, and today I'm going to do a quick solo episode.

A bit of a disclaimer first: I’m still in the Basque Country in the coliving house. I have hired out the Zoom room, which is the chapel in the house, for this recording, so hopefully it’ll be a bit better because I'm not right on the road like I was when I was recording the episodes in my room. But I am aware that you can hear a lot of birds tweeting, and also, I have a cold, so my voice is a bit all over the place. And yeah, it's just a bit of a disclaimer there, but hopefully you can hear this sound okay! I'm also using my tiny travel mic. Again, hopefully that is working. 

Okay, so on this episode, I want to talk about the downsides of coliving. And, as I mentioned, I'm in the coliving currently, so I am currently living this. I don't want this to be a massive downer of an episode and I just want to put a disclaimer up front that these are all just first-world problems. They're really not great problems in the grand scheme of things, and I believe that the pros of staying in colivings far outweigh any cons – I wouldn't come to them if I didn't believe that. But I also don't want to paint this picture that you always see on social media and everything like that, that everything is all just sunshine and rainbows and happiness, because – in all honesty – this stuff can be hard, especially if you're an introvert like me.

So, I just wanted to go through some of the downsides that I've personally discovered staying in colivings – especially this time – as well as how to maybe deal with them a little bit. 

Okay, so the first thing is people leaving. It's a bigger downside in most colivings because people are constantly coming and going. You can meet someone one day and they leave the next. That's just how things are. And then it can be hard and it can be a bit exhausting as well, when you've just made friends with a nice group of people and then they leave, or then you leave, and it's just all a bit weird. 

It's a bit better in the pop-up because it's six weeks here, though I'm doing four. You can do two, four, or six weeks stints, so you get to spend more time with people. You know when people are coming and going. This is sort of like a starting point and an endpoint for most people that is the same, so that's a bit better. But you do get people who leave early as well.

Our housemate Kathy is leaving tomorrow, as I record this, and our housemate Basil left a few days ago. He had to leave unexpectedly, a week earlier. We've had so many conversations since Basil left, saying that we miss him, and I know you listen to this podcast, Basil, so we really do miss you and we're sad that you had to leave early!

So, that kind of thing can be really hard and unexpected. Or when you've just got to know someone really well and you're friends with them and then they leave, or then you leave, it's all a bit hard. But it's one of those first-world problems things. It's great that you got to hang out with these people in the first place, and the only thing you could do really around this is to enjoy the time you do have with people and make sure you have their contact info so you can keep in touch with them afterwards, whether that's WhatsApp, Instagram, email, or whatever, and hopefully you can meet up with them again in the future. So that's always a bit sad. But, as I said, it's all part of the package. 

Another thing is that, if you're an introvert like me, too much peopleing can be very tough. And that's why I pay extra to have my own room, so I can retreat when I need to and just chill out. Whether that's reading, having a nap, watching Netflix, just being alone, having some time to relax and recharge… that is what I need personally. It might be different for other people, but it really is a lot of peopleing, especially in a place like I am at the moment.

We're kind of in the middle of nowhere, so a lot of the time we are spending time in the house together, we're cooking together, we're working together, we're eating together, we're socialising together. So it's a lot of peopleing and that's great and that's what I need. 

It's one of the reasons I started coming to colivings, because I was living on my own, working on my own, and it was just too lonely. So, on the one hand, it's a brilliant thing, but on the other hand, it can be a bit too much. 

And related to that is the burnout, both work and social. And, as I mentioned, I have a cold at the moment, I'm feeling really quite crap and I have been all weekend. Honestly, I think it's because I've been trying to do too much. Too much work, too much socialising, too many late nights, too much wine. I totally admit that it's my fault and it can be hard to find a balance, especially if you're an introvert and putting yourself out there and taking part in social events and games and workshops and everything can really take it out of you, can drain you quite a lot.

So there is that to be aware of. But again, just do what you need to do to recharge. For some that will be hanging out with other people, like extroverts might get charged with other people. For some, like me, it might be going to their rooms, chilling out, just being alone, or it could be getting out in nature, going for a walk either on your own or with a friend, just talking it out with someone. Just know what works for you and do that. 

So, this past weekend I spent a lot of time just chilling in my room, catching up with sleep, having some naps, occasionally popping out into the rest of the house to see what's going on and to eat outside and to go and see Colin the donkey. I knew I needed to just recharge a little bit this weekend, especially, as I’ve got lots of work to do this week as well. 

Another thing is that, as I said, most things are done in a big group when you're staying in a place like this, which can be really good and fun, but it can also be quite bad. For instance, it was a Thursday night and it was about 10:00 at night, and the neighbours called the cops on us because we were being too loud. And, apparently, this happens a lot because this is an Airbnb – usually it's not a coliving, generally – so they get all kinds of people here. They get people here on work retreats, but they also, I imagine, get people who are here to party in a cool house. And they’ve got a pool, they've got a great garden… so they get a lot of complaints from the neighbours, which is why the police immediately came around. And they let us know that if it happens again, they’re going to fine us €1000. 

Fair enough. It was a weeknight, we were being loud, but it's that group thing again. So, outside, all the extroverts were playing like limbo competitions, really loud music, laughing, screeching… and I’d sort of became part of this Introvert Club. We were all a lot quieter and we were just sitting, still outside with the others, but we were sitting at the end of the table playing cards. It was only because we were sitting there playing quietly that we actually heard the police banging on the fence and yelling, “Hey, polizia!” So if it wasn't for us, they wouldn't have heard the police in the first place.

But also, if we do get fined, that's going to be shared equally around the group, which can be a little bit annoying as we weren't the ones making noise. But that's what happens when you're in a big group. And we did feel bad; we don't want to disturb the peace, obviously, and it was a weeknight, so we went straight inside afterwards.

But it's quite funny because the police told us we had to stay below a certain decibel range. I can't remember exactly what it was at the moment, but we got an app that told us, and we were practising how loud we could be, and it was like the quietest thing ever, the decibel range they gave us. So we were inside and we had all the doors and windows closed, and we were like whispering to each other because it was like 11:00. It was just a bit ridiculous. But we've been very good since; we've been coming inside at a normal hour and doing lots of inside activities, so hopefully we won't get fined. But it's that kind of thing. You're in a big group, you take responsibility for the group as a whole, even if you're not the main culprits. 

Sharing a bathroom – that can be a hard one. Most rooms in this place have either en suites or access to their own bathroom. I just happen to be in the room upstairs that's sharing with the quad room. So there's five sharing one bathroom, which is usually okay, but if you're trying to all go out for a day trip together or something and everyone's trying to get ready at the same time, it can be a bit annoying. You might have to wait an hour or so to get in the shower, that kind of thing. And if you want to get up and get ready for work and get to work straight away and you're sort of waiting around for the bathroom… not ideal, but again, first-world problems. At least we have showers, at least we have plumbing. It's not a huge deal. 

I mentioned this before, but balancing work and play and having FOMO. I personally never feel like I'm getting enough work done when I'm at colivings, but I know that's also a good thing because I tend to work too much when I'm just on my own. But also, staying up late drinking wine most nights, then getting up for work in the morning, then wanting to attend all the social and professional events, and then spending a day a week cooking for twelve-plus people… it all adds up. It all takes time and it can all take its toll.

But just know that it's okay not to attend every single activity, it's okay to say no to stuff, it's okay to stay at home even if everyone else is going out. You do you and maybe just expect that, the first few days of any new coliving, it's going to take a while to get into the routine, get used to the people, get used to the workspaces, where you want to work, find your best place to work… and it will feel a bit weird at first. You might not get enough done for a few days, but if you know that ahead of time, you can prepare for it, you can arrange your calendar, you can try and get more work done before you get there… all that kind of thing.

I've been spending more time working in my room this time. I also work downstairs and stuff, but I find that if I edit books as well, and if I need to get in the creative zone, then I will just go shut myself away in my room, and I'll get way more done than if I'm downstairs.

We have a focus room too but, even if you're in there and there are other people, you can get distracted, you can wander down to the kitchen, you can be like, ‘Oh look, there's someone outside, I’ll go talk to them.’ I've learned to shut myself away in my room when I need a few hours just straight working, and that works better for me. So you decide what's best for you.

Another thing is: putting yourself out there can be tough, especially if you're introverted like me and in a coliving like the one I'm staying in. We have all kinds of professional and social events and games, some of which can be pretty scary to introverts, especially if it involves having all eyes on you and you being the centre of attention. But you can pick and choose what you do and do not get involved in.

For instance, I've attended loads of workshops that required me getting involved in games and things that are a bit outside my comfort zone, but they're mainly in groups. And I've also attended masterminds where I can give my opinion or ask questions, but the focus is always on the person running the mastermind, so it's not as scary as it could be. I've taken part in dinner games and after-dinner games involve putting yourself out there, but not in a terrifying way.

But, say, the other day, someone ran an improv class. And while I know that would be good for me in terms of getting outside my comfort zone – because it's really not my thing, and improv, I think, sounds quite scary to a lot of people – I knew it would be good for me, but I also knew that I had also done a lot of other workshops and masterminds the past few days, and I had a lot of work on; I knew I'd be stressed if I didn't get that work done, so you can pick and choose. I decided not to go to the improv class. I put my time and energy towards getting my work done, knowing that I'd have a chance to put myself out there in other ways later on.

I will always encourage you to push yourself where you can and get outside your comfort zone – because that's how personal growth happens, that's where you get confidence – but you don't have to do it every second of every single day, because that way leads to burnout and exhaustion and just general scariness. There are no two ways about it: turning up to a big villa in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country where you don't really speak the language and might not yet know any of your twelve to 15 new housemates, it can be scary, especially if you're an introvert and especially if you don't do this a lot. But I also think it can be pretty daunting for anyone, really. 

So the other night, we did a dinner game. It lasted all throughout dinner and after dinner – it actually lasted for about six hours – and then I went to bed and I think it was still going on after I went. But it was all designed to help you share, connect, and reflect on you and your life. We really got to know our housemates on a far deeper level, and the wine certainly helped with that.

But it's amazing the things people come out with that you would never imagine is going on in their minds. Like the most confident person could admit that this whole experience is really overwhelming and that they feel anxious a lot of the time. They fear being judged and all that kind of stuff. Someone who seems to have it all together – like even loud sociable extroverts who seem to be having a great time – can have the same fears as you do. You just would never know unless something like this game brought it out. 

I'm not going to lie, the whole thing is pretty daunting and overwhelming, especially if you're not used to it. It was a lot less scary for me this year than it was last year. I know maybe six people here this time over the four weeks that I knew from last time, or from different colivings, but last time I didn't know anyone and I didn't know where the house was, I didn't know what was going to happen. I'd not been to Sun and Co. before, so I didn't know how they worked with their events and family meetings, dinners, and all that kind of stuff. So it was a lot more overwhelming last time, a lot less scary this time.

But it is still quite daunting and overwhelming living with this many people, working with them, working on your self-development with them. It's not easy – and I'm not going to lie and say it is – but it does become easier as you go on. And it's okay to admit this to everyone, anyone, especially your housemates, because odds are, they're feeling exactly the same way as you do. And as soon as you realise that, it seems a lot less scary anyway. 

So if you are feeling like this and you're in this situation – or in any situation – just talk it out with someone. It can really, really help knowing even one other person is going through the same thing or thinking the same things as you. And wine always helps the truth come out during these games!

So that's all the bad stuff. And, like I say, it's not necessarily even bad, it's just things to be aware of, that we can overcome. But I wanted to end this podcast episode with some positives because, as I said, no matter how hard it is, living this way and experiencing this coliving thing and meeting all these amazing people is amazing and incredible and life-changing. And, even though it's hard, it's totally worth it. 

So, like I say, some of the things that are really good about colivings are the community, the connection, the learning – like about yourself, but also about other people. All the stuff you learn about different cultures, about different countries, everything like that – the fact that we get to live in an amazing house with amazing scenery, there's a donkey neighbour… it gives you great opportunities to get outside your comfort zone, to have incredible experiences, to make friends for life. I've made so many friends last year that I've met since, and I'm sure it's going to be the same this year. 

There's so much fun and laughter, eating amazing meals inspired by countries and cultures all over the world – there are some great cooks here – and just enjoying hanging out with people over a glass or two or three of wine in this beautiful house, wandering around the area, looking and seeing what's about, meeting the locals, having your favourite cheesecake place, all that stuff… and it's just amazing. 

I keep getting distracted because I'm in the Zoom room, in the chapel room, but there are glass doors and people keep walking past and staring in at me. So I guess that's another downside. But that's why I might not have been making much sense towards the end… it's because people were peering in at me and I was starting to wonder if I'd gone over my allotted time. But I don't think I have. 

So, even with all the potential downsides of coliving, even when you're an introvert, the benefits of staying in a place like this are just so, so worth it. 

Okay, that's it for this episode, and until next time, I'll catch you on the flip side, bye! 

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